38 Weeks and my Thoughts on Being *Ready*

Today is August 1st, which means I am in my 38th week AND Neven will be born THIS MONTH!  Many, many thoughts are going through my head about being *ready*, but more on that in a bit.

First, I want to give an update from my latest doctor appointment.  My appointment was yesterday, at 38 weeks and 1 day pregnant.  My blood pressure was higher than normal (118/70), but this is still completely acceptable and nowhere near alarming for preeclampsia.  I'm almost glad my blood pressure went up, because I no longer have dizzy spells when standing for too long.  My lowest blood pressure this pregnancy was 88/56, which is crazy low for me!  Sometimes I wonder how I got through nursing clinicals, standing on my feet for 10 hours without passing out.  Now I'm off topic...  My doctor also checked my internal progress.  I am 2 cm dilated with no effacement.  As a comparison, I was 4 cm dilated and 50% effaced with Aria at this point.  What does this mean you ask?  Absolutely nothing.  I could be 2 cm for another day or another 3 weeks.  Every baby is different.  I also haven't had a single Braxton Hicks nor a real contraction, so I personally think Neven isn't ready yet.  Being that Shaun isn't done with classes for another 8 days, the lack of both contractions and significant progress is good news.  Stay in there Neven!  We really hope you decide to come EXACTLY on your due date.

Now about my thoughts on being *ready*:

• Am I ready to be done with pregnancy?  Yes!  I am tired (I know this will only get worse when Neven gets here, but it's a different kind of tired), I am achy, I am sick of not being able to physically do things that my non-pregnant body can do, and I feel bad for not being able to run around and play with Aria like I used to.  
• Am I ready for Neven to be here?  Yes!  Simply said, I can't wait to meet my son.  
• Is my house ready for Neven?  Mostly yes.  Sure, there will always be a to-do list of things to clean, chores to do, etc., but I've gotten the major items checked off my list.  As you may know, our home always has clutter, and could be deep cleaned more often, but I'm okay with the state it is in right now.  I've spent the past few weeks trying to keep up with daily chores, so that Neven can come home to a mostly clean home.  
• Am I ready for labor?  Hell no.  I will never be ready for labor.  In all honesty, labor scares the shit out of me.  I wish I had "new mommy brain", as many of my friends told me they have.  Apparently this means that women forget the pain they had during the birth of their first child, which makes them agreeable to birth more children.  Umm, I remember every single second of Aria's labor, and it was beyond the most excruciating pain I ever thought a person could feel.  Yes, there are epidurals, and yes, there is Fentanyl, but I really don't want pain relief using medicinal methods for many, many reasons.  Without going into all those reasons, I do want to say that being a nurse, I know, and have seen, all the things that can go wrong with epidurals.  Yes, on a large scale, epidurals are relatively safe.  However, I've seen complications to both mom and baby solely due to the effects of the epidural.  One of these complications was to myself!  Remember I had a hard time breathing during my own labor?  That was the epidural numbing my lungs.  In the end, all I want is a healthy baby boy, but the epidural can be detrimental to him too.  These are the reasons labor scares the hell out of me.  I will never be ready to go into actual labor.  Oh, and I didn't even mention the possibility of a c-section.  I am not prepared for major surgery.  For anyone reading this who thinks a c-section isn't major surgery, think again.  How would you like your abdominal cavity ripped open without the choice of doing the procedure in a safer, laparoscopic manner?  Not me.
• Overall, am I just ready?  Absolutely yes!  Neven is all I think about lately.  I cannot wait to meet him, snuggle with him, and see him interact with his dad and his sister.  I've always dreamed of having 2 children, especially having a girl and a boy.  My dream is about to come true.      

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